


Plumpendicular

by psmithery



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-30
Updated: 2011-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:22:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psmithery/pseuds/psmithery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Merlin didn’t know if it was possible to suck someone off insubordinately, but he was damn well going to try.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Plumpendicular

**Author's Note:**

> Plumpendicular is an archaic term which means "to hang perpendicular to the ground".
> 
> Beta courtesy of the wondrous [Mizufae](http://mizufae.livejournal.com/).

There were few things stupider-looking than a half-hard cock. Or, at least, it certainly seemed that way to Merlin, when one was staring him in the eye.

“Sorry,” Merlin said, for the fourth time that morning, shifting his grip on the sponge as he wiped at the stitches along Arthur’s groin, “Gaius says it’ll only be a few more days now.”

“Could you stop breathing on it, at least?” Arthur scowled up at the ceiling. “You’re giving it ideas.”

“It’s not my fault you haven’t had any for two weeks. Don’t you use your hand?”

“Of course I – oh shut up.”

The wound was about six inches long, across the delicate skin at the crease of Arthur’s left hip and thigh. Gaius said that he was extremely lucky that the dagger hadn’t severed any major blood vessels. Merlin privately thought Arthur bleeding to death would have been a blessing in comparison to re-dressing his wound twice a day for two weeks; destiny be hanged.

“It’s not as if you aren’t the expert in that department between the two of us.” Arthur said after a moment.

Merlin looked at him archly.

Arthur scoffed. “Oh _really_ Merlin? You’re actually going to claim you’ve had sex more recently than I have?”

Merlin’s lips twitched as he began dabbing a thick, white paste on the wound. “Got my cock sucked last night.”

“You. Had your cock sucked. Last night.”

“Uh-huh.” Merlin poked his tongue out between his teeth as he worked.

“You really expect me to believe that?”

Merlin shrugged.

“And who, pray tell, would want to suck your cock, Merlin? Was she blind?”

“Oh, I couldn’t tell you that. It’d be a betrayal of trust. But _he_ definitely wasn’t blind.” His grin was wicked.

“ _He_? Oh-ho! Have you been tumbling stable boys?” Arthur shuffled in his seat, reaching for a piece of ham from the plate on the table.

“Keep still, will you!”

“’M hungry. Hurry up, I’ve got things to do today.”

“Don’t lie. You still can’t train yet and the council doesn’t sit until tomorrow.” He dabbed a little harder and Arthur hissed. “And don’t get breakfast in my hair or I’ll dye all your tunics pink.”

“I’d have you in the stocks for a month if you did.”

There was a wet slap as the ham landed back on the plate.

“You’ve been threatening me with that for the past two years. I’ll believe it when it happens.” Merlin accidentally brushed against Arthur’s cock again. “Sorry.” It still looked all floppy and stupid. He glared at it when Arthur wasn’t watching.

“Don’t worry about it,” Arthur huffed, “I’m used to your clumsiness by now.”

Merlin breathed out heavily on Arthur’s cock just to spite him.

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“Oops.” He said, voice flat.

Arthur sighed. “You still haven’t told me who this mystery man is, who apparently had a serious lapse of judgement and sucked your cock.”

“No, I haven’t. You’re on the ball this morning sire.”

“I’m starting to suspect that this fellow doesn’t exist. You know, it doesn’t count as a blowjob if you just think about it when you’re having a wank.”

“Which you would know, if you bothered to deal with your little morning problem before I arrived.” Merlin gave Arthur’s cock a poke with his finger. It was warm and a bit squishy.

“Oi!” Arthur squirmed back in his chair. “Who are you calling little?”

Merlin opened his mouth to respond, but Arthur hastily cut him off. “Don’t you dare.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, sire,” he said, with great obsequiousness. “Your manhood is very.... um, impressive, I’m sure.”

Arthur flicked his ear. “Anyway, cock-sucking. Who was it? Come on, out with it.”

Merlin gave a long-suffering sigh. “It was Sir Huw, if you must know.”

Sir Huw was the eldest son of a nobleman from the north, with big green eyes and pale brown hair. He had been in the castle for almost a month, paying his respects to the king in place of his father, who had recently been invalided for life after a nasty fall from his horse. He was an athletic man, almost as good with a sword as Arthur himself, and almost as attractive. He also sucked cock better than half the whores in Camelot.

Arthur had made no response. Merlin glanced up to see him blushing furiously, face turned to the wall. When he looked down again, Arthur’s cock was noticeably thicker. He could feel the warmth of it radiating against the back of his hand. Suddenly it didn’t seem quite as stupid-looking as before. He smirked.

“I did it too, of course,” he said breezily, working the paste up into the stubble of Arthur’s pubic hair. He’d had to have half of it shaved off when Gaius put the stitches in, much to Merlin’s glee. Arthur had dented three of his favourite goblets not long afterwards. Perhaps Merlin’s comment about ten year old boys had been a bit inappropriate, under the circumstances, but it hardly deserved three goblets aimed at his head.

“Did you indeed? That was charitable of you, Merlin.”

“Jealous?”

“Of him?” Arthur snorted. “Certainly not. Goodness knows where your mouth’s been.”

Merlin grinned wolfishly. “Shall I tell you?”

“Ah, no. No thank you, I can do without nightmares for the next month, I think.”

Merlin ignored him. “First there was Will, of course, and next there was... Well, Will again I suppose, and again, until Edmund – he had a big one, and you wouldn’t believe the way he carried on when I put my lips around him, bellowed loud enough that half of the next village heard us. And then there was a boy called Reginald who came through Ealdor with his father one spring. And then there was Will some more. I actually sucked on his cock rather a lot...” Merlin frowned at that. He kept up his prattle, enjoying the way Arthur squirmed under his hands. “... and eventually I got to Camelot and – are you feeling alright Arthur? You look a bit flushed.”

“I’m feeling a bit ill actually, the way you’re carrying on.”

Merlin looked at his cock, which was thicker still and starting to stiffen, then back up at Arthur‘s face.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t need to.” He kicked Merlin’s side with his uninjured leg. “I can’t believe you’re such a hussy.”

“I’m not a hussy! What am I supposed to do? Let them suck me and then just leave them there?”

“Well...”

“Not all of us are as selfish as you, Arthur. There is this thing called reciprocation, you know. Maybe you’d get more action if you tried it.”

Arthur tossed his head. “So you think the crown prince of Camelot should be getting on his knees to suck off horny stable boys?”

Merlin swallowed. Now that was an image to save for a cold night. “Have you ever done it?”

“Sucked off a stable boy? Yeah, Merlin, _loads_ of times. No, really.” Arthur clipped him over the ear. “Idiot.”

Merlin let out an exasperated breath. “No, I mean, have you ever sucked anyone off?”

Arthur looked down at him, but didn’t answer. “Haven’t you finished yet?”

Merlin smirked. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

“What? No! I haven’t! Are you deaf as well as pea-brained?” Arthur’s face was now a bright crimson. He gripped the arms of the chair hard enough that his knuckles went white.

“You know,” Merlin said, conversational, “my mother always told me that the more someone denies something, the more likely it is to be true.”

“Did she really? That explains so much about you.”

“I’ve not denied anything. Unlike some people.”

“Oh, just hurry up and finish. There actually _are_ things I want to do this week.”

Merlin glanced at his cock again and raised an eyebrow.

“No. Merlin,” Arthur said through gritted teeth, picking up an apple and chomping into it. Merlin grinned cheekily at him and began laying pieces of wadding over the poulticed stitches. He worked in silence for a few minutes, refusing to comment when the back of his hand brushed Arthur’s shaft. Arthur fumed.

Merlin was positioning the last wads of cloth over Arthur’s hip when he spoke again. “So if it wasn’t a stable boy, who did you suck off?” A piece of apple hit Merlin’s forehead. “Was it a servant? Is that why you’re being so shy? Or were you just bad at it?”

“I was not ba – I... um, no, I’ve never, what are you even talking about?”

Merlin took a long strip of cloth from his satchel and began wrapping Arthur’s leg. “I mean, you’re too much of a prat to get on your knees for a servant, I imagine, so was it a nobleman? Or a knight?” He lifted Arthur’s thigh and slipped the end of the bandage under it.

“We are not having this discussion, Merlin.”

“Oh, come on! You made me tell you about Sir Huw, it’s only fair.” He managed another four rounds of the bandage without touching anything, and then on the fifth his wrist knocked against Arthur’s balls. Arthur didn’t respond.

Merlin sighed. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll just have to assume you were terrible. You didn’t bite them, did you?”

“No! I-”

“Will once bit me, and it hurt like you wouldn’t believe. Okay, fair enough he was distracted, but still. You’d think he’d have been able to keep it together a bit more.” Merlin sat back on his heels, reminiscing. “We got quite good at it, eventually. Sucking each other off at the same time, I mean, but it took us a while, that’s for sure.”

Arthur made a startled little noise in the back of his throat. “So how many people in Camelot have you, um, been with?”

He screwed his face up as he counted. “I don’t know really, ‘s hard to keep track.” He frowned. “Maybe... fifty-ish?”

“ _Fifty_?”

“Give or take.”

“But. Fifty? Really?”

Merlin looked up. Arthur’s expression was a bizarre blend of horror, incredulity and downright envy. His eyes flicked to Merlin’s mouth, like it held great secrets in its pink, slick depths. Merlin licked his lips unconsciously.

“So, who else have you...” Arthur addressed the air above Merlin’s head, restlessly tapping his thumb against his thigh.

Merlin twisted the end of the bandage in his fingers. “Well, it was only servants to begin with, I didn’t really know anyone, see. And then about three months after I’d arrived,” he chuckled, almost bashful, “I, um, fucked Sir Pellinore and sucked him off afterwards.” He leaned in to tie off the ends. “I think he must have told some of the knights, because I went through a bit of a phase with them after that. So, there was Lucan, Caradoc, Bedivere, and Lancelot, and Owaine-”

“Owaine?” Arthur squeaked.

“Yeah.” Merlin paused, watching him shrewdly. “Ahh, he was the one, wasn’t he?”

Arthur shifted, rubbing a hand through his hair. “Er, yeah. He - yeah, I-”

“Didn’t he have the most _massive_ balls? Bloody hell!”

Arthur let out a surprised burst of laughter, reddening. “Yeah, um, I suppose so. I wouldn’t really know.” He looked bashful. “I found them a bit intimidating.”

“Even _I_ thought they were intimidating. No wonder you’re so jumpy about all of this. When he started thrusting a bit, I was worried he was going knock me out.” Merlin giggled into his groin. “I reckon his were the biggest in Albion. I’ve never seen anyone who’s come close.” He sighed. “Yours are quite lovely though...”

“Why thank you Merlin, I grew them myself.”

Merlin let out another peal of laughter, hot against Arthur’s thigh. “See Arthur, it’s good when we share. Should do it more often.”

“Go on then.”

“Hm?”

“What other sordid things have you been up to? Debauching half the nobility in the kingdom, I imagine.” Arthur gave his cock an absent-minded squeeze. It jutted out next to Merlin’s face, now fully erect.

“Oh, not half,” he said with mock solemnity, “a quarter at most.”

He tied off the first bandage. “Though, I suppose it would actually be less than that - seeing as half of them are women and all. And then a lot of those left would be too old or too young, or not interested in men, so there’s only about a fifth of the nobility who I’d like to suck.” He picked up the next strip of cloth. “Lift your leg again.”

“You make it sound like a goal or something.” Arthur adjusted his grip on his cock. “Is that why you’re such a rubbish manservant? You spend all your time fucking my subjects?”

“Not all my time. Imagine the ache I’d get in my jaw.”

“Surely you’ve built up your strength over the years, getting on your knees for all those peasant boys back in Ealdor?”

“There weren’t _that_ many back home. It was mainly Will. And we weren’t always on our knees you know. Sometimes I’d lie down and let him fuck my mouth.”

Arthur cleared his throat, running his hand up his cock just once, before gripping it tightly again.

“Once we did it in the water, down in the little stream, but it didn’t work so well. Got water up my nose.” Merlin wrinkled his nose at the memory. “It was nice and cool though.”

He finished off the second bandage and let Arthur’s leg drop. “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?”

“No, no, it’s fine, for once your conversation is rather interesting.” Arthur sounded casual enough, but Merlin could see a glisten of pre-come at the tip of his cock. “Who was the best in Camelot, then?”

Merlin pursed his lips. “Oooh. Leon, probably. He has a wicked tongue on him. I swear, the first time he went down on me, I came in about thirty seconds. Must be the beard or something...” He tugged on the bandages, pulling them up a bit higher.

Arthur gulped. “A-are you nearly done?” His voice had gone up at least half an octave. “I, um, need to...”

“Though Dinadan was quite good. Not so much at sucking cock, but when he fucked me, I nearly passed out.”

“No, Merlin. Really, you can stop now.”

Merlin looked up from where he was tightening one of the knots. “Sorry! Did that pinch?” He stroked the cloth idly and bit his lip. “I’m off with the fairies...”

“Um.”

It took him a moment to realise that he’d made Arthur more that a bit agitated. He was at the point where he’d have to come soon, regardless of what Merlin did to distract him. He probably hadn’t been able to wank much recently, with the cut and the stitches and all the funny potions Gaius had been forcing down him. He had one hand around his cock and the other on his thigh, rubbing it in frustration. Merlin’s mouth prickled, his blood rushing south. It was a very pretty cock. He hesitated and then covered Arthur’s hand with his own. “Can I?”

Arthur didn’t move. Merlin was about to let go and turn it into another teasing remark when he nodded stiffly and swallowed. His hand loosened under Merlin’s, pulling away and he let it rest on Merlin’s shoulder. Merlin’s hand moved in an inch to steady Arthur at the base of his cock.

“Just relax. I’ve gotten pretty good at this by now,” he said, leaning in. He felt a bit silly that his mouth always watered with anticipation, but years of exchanging blowjobs with Will had trained his body, even before he came to Camelot, and the response was ingrained. Usually he wouldn’t notice it, he’d be too busy pressing sloppy kisses down someone’s chest at this point, but this time he felt the saliva pool on the back of his tongue.

He hovered an inch away from the head, until Arthur nodded again and then he reached out with his tongue to lick it.

“Ff-fuck.”

Merlin closed his lips around the head, running his tongue under Arthur’s foreskin as he gently started sucking. He hollowed his cheeks, watching Arthur through his eyelashes as he slowly slid down until his nose was pressed into the uneven hair of Arthur’s groin. Arthur was panting, staring fixedly as each inch of his cock disappeared into Merlin’s mouth.

He pulled off with a wet pop and flashed Arthur a smug smile. “See? Not bad, huh? I can give you a few pointers if you’d like.”

Arthur patted his shoulder insistently, urging him forward.

“So,” Merlin said, wiping the dribble off his chin with the back of his hand, “everyone always forgets this, but next time you suck someone off, make sure you lick their balls.”

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the underside of Arthur’s cock, where it met his balls. He curled his tongue out to catch one and pull in into his mouth. They were certainly easier to manage than Owaine’s had been. He rolled it gently against the inside of his cheek, humming as he nuzzled at the coarse hair.

“Good, isn’t it?” Merlin asked when he’d slipped it out again. Arthur made an interesting, but definitely affirmative sound.

“It’s also good to touch here.” Merlin stroked a finger behind Arthur’s balls, and he jumped.

“Fuck, stop being such a tease and get on with it!” Arthur pulled him in close and his cock skidded over Merlin’s cheekbone. Merlin pressed a hand to the front of his breeches.

“Oh god, you like it when I shout at you, don’t you?” Arthur asked as Merlin rubbed the heel of his hand over the shape of his erection. “You bloody trollop.”

Merlin gave the head of Arthur’s cock an obscene lick. He didn’t know if it was possible to suck someone off insubordinately, but he was damn well going to try.

Ten minutes later, Merlin had discovered that it was indeed possible to suck a cock insubordinately, but he was a little beyond caring, because once he’d finished licking the last dribble of Arthur’s come from the corner of his mouth, Arthur had backed him against the table and dropped to his knees without a moment’s hesitation. Merlin decided, mid-moan, that in future, he was willing to be as enthusiastic about sucking Arthur’s cock as Arthur was about sucking his.

FIN.


End file.
